My Grandma Jean was diagnosed with a cancerous mouth tumor when I was thirteen, just a few weeks before Christmas. I will remember that day with utmost clarity for the rest of my life. I went outside to our backyard porch and sat down on the edge of the steps. Our two golden retrievers nuzzled up to me. Somehow I think they knew I was upset. I buried my face in their fur while I cried my eyes out, so afraid of what this diagnosis would mean for my grandma and my family in the years ahead.
After sitting in the chilly November air for much too long, my dad finally found me and came to sit next to me. He hugged me and asked what was wrong. I couldn’t answer him for the longest time. I was afraid. I was already grieving, feeling like an unbearable weight was pressing down on my chest. I was trying not to cry, because I thought that voicing my fears somehow equaled that I did not have faith that Jesus could heal my grandma.
Finally, I said, “I don’t want Grandma to die.”
He nodded and said, “I don’t want her to, either, sweetheart. We’re going to pray and fight with her through this. And even if God doesn’t answer our prayers the way we want Him too, He is still good.”
I will never forget those words. He is still good…
Even if things don’t go my way, I will trust. Even if I can’t see or understand, He is still with me and He is always good.
Grief Does Not Own Your Future
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.”
At thirteen, I’d already gone through some pretty scary situations. The attacks of September 11th, 2001 rocked my faith like nothing else had. Fear came in to steal, kill, and destroy my peace. It changed everything forever. And it just felt like the storms kept coming.
What I learned through my grandma’s months of fighting cancer was that even if we walk through what feels like a literal valley of the shadow of death, He is still with us.
And there are promises that we can hold on to, even as we walk through seasons of grief.
Promise #1: The Uninvited Guest Does Not Rule Your Destiny.
“Tears are not a sign of weak faith.” - Pastor Jim
I thought that if I voiced my feelings and fears, that the cancer would win, that somehow I was the one holding up my grandma’s healing by not having a strong enough faith. I thought letting the tears fall was a sign of weakness. You cannot pretend grief away. And you cannot wish away sickness by not acknowledging it’s there.
Experiencing the emotions of grief and allowing ourselves to be honest about those feelings is not a sign of weak faith. Even Jesus wept at the grave of Lazarus, even though He knew what he was about to do. And He confronted Martha in her questions, too. Was she going to alow grief to steal what she knew in her heart of hearts about who Jesus was, or was she going to continue on in faith?
John 11:24-26
Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
Do you believe this? Do you believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life? Do you really believe that we grieve unlike the rest of the world?
John 11:35
Jesus wept.
Why did Jesus weep? This is the consequence that Adam and Eve brought by their disobedience. Our earthly bodies grow frail and pass away. But this is not what God wanted and this is not how He originally designed it to be.
“I didn’t want this.” Jesus says. “I don’t know why they blame me. I didn’t do it. I came for life and they chose death at the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. I wept because it breaks my heart that they choose death instead of life.”
How often do we choose sin and all the consequences that come with it, and then blame God? God doesn’t make people get drunk and then make them get in a car and kill innocent bystanders when they wreck. He doesn’t twist our arms to force us to make bad choices. That’s on us. Is your grief your own doing, and do you need to stop blaming God for those things?
I know that’s a hard question. And honestly, it hit me right between the eyes, too. God isn’t to blame, but Satan loves to make us turn on Him–our one Source of true hope, healing, and comfort through these seasons of grief.
We Don’t Grieve Like the World Does
1 Thessalonians 4:13
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.
Paul didn’t say, “Don’t sorrow.” He said, “Don’t sorrow with no hope.”
Psalm 62:8
Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
“The Uninvited Guest may bring tears to your life for a season, but it does not have the power to rule over your destiny!” - Pastor Jim
I wish my grandma didn’t have to go through the horrific pain she endured while she fought cancer. But God was still working in her heart during that time, and He worked in mine, too. There were moments of joy even in the worst possible situation I could imagine at the time. We could laugh and remember with fondness the good times because we had a hope stronger than any diagnosis.
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
John 14:16-18
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Promise #2: The Uninvited Guest May Consume You For a Time but It Does Not Get the Final Word.
The devil is a liar. He wants you to believe that this new reality of overwhelming grief is all that there is and all there will be going forward. He wants you to believe that he gets the final word–that death, loss, anxiety, and depression get the final word. But he does not!
Sitting next to my grandma’s hospital bed just eleven months after her diagnosis, I knew her time was short. But I also knew that God had given her freedom from a deep-seated bitterness she had carried for most of her life. In His mercy, He met her in what seemed like her darkest hour and set her free. Before she went to be with Jesus, she experienced true spiritual freedom–from guilt, bitterness, and condemnation. That is a true gift. None of us will live forever in these mortal shells, but if we know Him, we know that the end of this life is not the end of our stories. We do not grieve without hope, because we know we will meet Him face-to-face, and that we will see our loved ones again, too, if they knew God.
Our victory does not mean we won’t have heartache. It means that we have hope through the heartache.
Psalm 30:5
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
